In response to the new Facebook guidelines (which I have not read) I hereby declare that I am really scared of social media and do not understand the „media“ part in that phrase. For over five years, I have been sharing my private life with people I hardly know (and those people they hardly know) on Facebook and now of course need to make it very clear that I do not trust Facebook one single bit! Also, my understanding of copyright is that it has to be declared in writing on a Facebook Wall to annoy all my friends in order to be of any legal significance. Speaking of significance I also declare that I am extremely impressed by the sound of „The Berne Convention“ because it remotely sounds like a sequel to „The Bourne Legacy“ and almost as important as „The Geneva Convention“. It‘s just cool to be protected by something from Switzerland, alright! So, where was I? Ah, yes: My copyright is attached to all of my personal details, illustrations, comics, paintings, sculpture, professional photos and videos (even if they just show me getting pissed at some night club), etc. (as a result of the Berner Convention - Eat that Mark Zuckerberg, you‘ve got nothing on Berne. Poke you M****f****!)
For commercial use of the pictures I have taken on my Mallorca vacation in 2009 with my iPhone, my written consent is needed at all times! (Just send me a PM if you want to use them, OK.) (Anyone reading this can copy this text and paste it on their Facebook Wall. This will place
them under the protection of being a smart ass like myself. By the present communiqué (yes, a c o m m u n i q u é - that‘s proper diplomatiqué French!) I notify Facebook that it is strictly forbidden to disclose, copy, distribute, disseminate, or take any other action against me on the basis of this profile and/or its contents - with utter disregard of the terms and conditions that I have explicitly agreed to when opening my account. The aforementioned prohibited actions also apply to employees, students, agents and/or any staff under Facebook’s direction or control - because I know how sneaky you are Zuck and am sure that you‘d control people to get to my precious! The content of this profile is private and confidential information that I only share with 350,000 other people in my network. The violation of my privacy is punished (or is it „punishable“ - too bad my native language isn‘t English) by law (UCC 1 1-308-308 1-103, the Rome Statute, The Holy Qu‘ran, The Old and New Testament, The Third Book of Xenu and the Ten Commandments and my mom, who will be mad at you too).
Facebook is now an open capital entity. The only logical conclusion to this fact is that all members now are recommended to publish a notice like this, or if you prefer, you may copy and paste this version. If you do not publish a statement at least once (better do it twice or three times, which makes the Berne Convention even stronger!!), nothing at all will happen - or do you seriously think that if at all, Facebook employees will only rip pictures from people who have not posted „The Notice“ and will turn into dust screaming when they read „The Notice“ on your profile?